We have interviewed ten men and ten women asking both groups the same questions in the same order. What are the positives? What are the negatives? Most of the men and women were single and a few were married. We will take the consensus of all of the opinions in a two part series. Ladies first!
Lack of communication. This is no secret. Honestly, all of our women agreed with this. The lack of communication is the major reason they feel that relationships fall apart. Lack of trust and honesty ranked seconded. I think we can all agree that they go hand in hand.
Being and remaining attentive. Women feel that men tend to become complacent and start taking their lady for granted. One of our married ladies said “if men could continue to do most or all of the wonderful things that he did when they first met, it would help keep the romance alive.” We have a single mother who agrees with that premise, but feels that women should start the relationship the way it’s going to go down the road. Don’t start out doing a lot of things (i.e. pampering) that you are not prepared to continue to do. Be yourself from the start. (Men, do we agree?).
Do things together. Not having common interests and friends that you can enjoy together can alienate a relationship. When you discover that common interest, work at continuing them. Don’t stop sharing those things and work at discovering new ones.
Lack of income.
Money problems can really help to destroy a relationship. Also, poor money management. Our single ladies voiced their opinion quite a bit more on this one. They seem to feel as if they are always “picking up the tab.” Some can make it on love alone but it takes adequate finances from both sides to really love and enjoy life now a days. Figure out which of you is better with money but let them handle it. We suggest though that you should always know what is getting spent, paid and how. Talk about the expenses but let the stronger money manager handle it. (That’s also where the trust factor comes in, right ladies?).
Infidelity. Two of our ladies agree and said, “For some reason when some men get older they start to think they are missing something." They feel like they have something to prove to themselves. A possible solution to this problem might be to let him/her know that they are still attractive. Both have to work at staying attractive to each other. Everyone changes, its just part of getting older and you always have to work at it.
Lack of sensitivity. The women seemed to agree that they are generally a bit more sensitive than men. (Nature probably plays a good part in this). It is important that men understand and always remember that there is a fundamental difference in the sensitivity between the sexes. A lot of tension and misunderstanding can be avoided if we all kept this in mind.
Understand your mate’s needs.
Dedicate yourself to fulfilling these needs. You must understand what they are before you can fulfill them. (Did I get it rights ladies? - Communication)
Spiritual compatibility. A shared depth of spirituality is an important factor in a strong relationship. The ladies want your mind as well as your body. If one is spiritual and the other isn’t, it can cause a lot of problems. Especially when it comes to rearing children.
One giving more to the relationship than the other. You must work hard together to make it work. The ladies seem to feel in the beginning it’s great. Guys are there 24/7, calling, taking them places, Eect. It tends to drop off once that intimacy factor has happened. Invite your lady to guys’ night out once and a while. Maybe to that Sunday night football party?
Learn to compromise. Relationships only work when both parties are willing to be flexible, it’s give and take. Ladies, I have to voice in on this one, there will be times when you can swear that you are right. Be willing to give sometimes. You can stand your ground on an opinion that really ends up being a trivial thing. You do have a good point about us gents not giving in a little to save an agreement, We do tend to just walk away and not want to deal with the conflict. this is where compromise would definitely work.
Move in the same direction.
Not having common goals can destroy your relationship. Our ladies also have the future in mind during the relationship, such as marriage, children,and retirement. Grow together, never think you can change a women or man. People will grow and change a bit. Who and what they are when you meet is basically who and what they will be ten years from now. If you don’t like the package the way it is when you first meet, then you should find a package more to your liking.
Agreement on child rearing. Compare notes on how you want to raise your children. The ladies seemed to feel this is falling more and more on them. These days we each bring to the relationship children from prior marriages or relationships. People have different ideas on how you do this. One can be a strong disciplinarian and the other could be too lenient. Talk to each other.
Have sense of humor. Be able to laugh together. Be secure enough to laugh at yourself.
Be friends first, then lovers. Relationships should always be a 100% arrangement. You both give your all. There really should not be a boss.
Be spontaneous, it makes life interesting. The ladies want the Gents to “just do”. Pick up a card if you’re in a store, send flowers just because. (Guys I think this one is pretty easy to do).
People like to be reassured. Again, give gifts for no reason. It’s true, even a card can make a difference.
Learn from each other. Women admire men they can learn from and men who are open enough to learn from them.
Don’t mother your mate. Everyone needs his or her own space sometimes. Some women agreed on separate vacations, but most did not. You must pamper each other.
Be mannerly. Women notice good manners, a lot of them are beginning to think that chivalry is dead. Treat your lady like an equal, always treat her like a lady.
Don’t let careers kill your relationship. Men are famous for letting their careers control their lives. Don’t let it get in the middle of your love affair. The ladies want you first in there life.
Men, it goes both ways. Learn what she likes, how she likes it and how often. The ladies want touching and intimacy mixed in with the freaky stuff. Switch it up. Maybe one night the black leather,with chains, the next night candle lights and wine.
Confidence. You can‘t make your mate feel good if you don’t feel good about yourself.
Too much parental involvement. Never let your parents or in-laws get in involved in your relationships. Sure their input is important. Listens to their advice but ultimately the decisions are yours.